Sometimes I Play the Fool
by HaibaraDaiFan
Summary: Sometimes we choose normalcy over reality... but sometimes we gather the courage to be sincere. Kind of CoAi, oneshot.


Disclaimer: I don't own Detective Conan.

_Sometimes I play the fool._

Her eyes. They have not moved from me since we've left the school building. My mother's words continue to echo through my brain as I brush them into the abyss where they belong. It's not that I forgot what she said. Or that I don't feel the burning of her stares. Or that I don't catch my reflection in one of the street mirrors or a window when we pass by shops. Or that, just to make sure, I run my hand over my face to catch any objects that may be clinging to it.

There are some things I consciously try not to think about. Because, following the logical process, if my face has nothing on it, then... I shake my head slightly, once again avoiding the thought. Trying to shake it out of its dangerous path. I sneak a glance back at her and frown. Her eyes are sparkling with amusement, her eyebrows gracefully arched and her lips tugging into a smirk. As if she knows what I'm thinking. As if she can see my childish way of avoiding a reality I don't know how to face.

I tear my eyes away and mumble a grumpy "What are you laughing at?". I hold my breath, strain my ears just to hear her hum a light tone.

_Sometimes she plays along._

We wave and say our farewells as the last of the actual children leave our group. Once again, it is just us. Moments like these cause only one topic to come to my mind. Only one topic comes to his mind. We never really talk about the weather. Or the plans for the weekend. Or what we thought of our teacher's antics.

We only talk about business. I hold in my sigh as he slows down for just a moment, then matches stride with me. I've noticed him look back at me as if he were trying to decide something. I wait for it, our only topic. Our only reason for truly conversing.

"Haibara..." he starts. I wait in silence for him to continue. For him to ask about the antidote. For him to try again at finding the information he must suspect I hold back from him. I wonder, often, if he is as wary of me as I am him. It's for his own good. I keep replaying my thoughts. Reminding myself that we only have one reason to be 'partners'. And that reason has nothing to do with why I watch his every move. Why I'm so entranced by the faces he makes when he's deep in thought. Why I feel like maybe I could trust him.

I realize that in all my thoughts, he still hadn't continued. Now he's looking straight at me. Into my eyes. I tense. Somehow I feel paralyzed. Being locked in his gaze makes me afraid. I do what I always do, and encourage him to comply. My eyes narrow slightly and I fold my arms across my chest.

"Take a picture, it'd last longer." My voice is flat, my tone never changing.

_But sometimes, we gather the courage to be sincere._

"Haibara..." I begin again, ignoring her plea to deflect my words. I usually go along with it. I give her her space. I pretend that she's just confusing. But if I let myself think about it... I drop the words from my lips again, angered at my cowardice. Her wall of apathy is pressing my will down, telling me I can't call her out on her secret. I can't tell her my deduction. I can't think beyond if not something on my face, then...

I abruptly stop walking, causing her uncertain stop as well. I can see the fear flickering in her eyes behind her defensive actions. I don't want to scare her. I don't want her to hate me. But I have to say it. If not something on my face, then...

"You like me."

Both of us freeze at my words. It feels like the world itself has stopped turning. I swallow. I can see emotions racing through her, the way she continues to try to face me, but her jaw slackens slightly, her fingers dig into her arms.

_And other times, we choose normalcy over reality._

I can feel my heart twisting, anger coming to my lips. How dare he? Somehow, it felt as if he betrayed my secret – something he should know could only come from me should I choose to share. It wasn't for him to deduce, or to state. He had no right to ruin the small amount of time we had left together.

"...wasn't that the way they delivered it in that movie we just watched? Kamen Yaiba just seemed so cool saying that..." The pitch of his voice was high and twinged, the one he uses when he gets backed into a corner by his mother. His excuse was just about as bad as my "just kidding". I watched as he looked away, scratching his reddening cheek. A small smirk replaced the deepening frown on my face. This was why I felt like I could trust him. He had my back.

"I wonder if apotoxin can cause you to actually act like a seven year old..." I said lightly, grinning at the scowl on his face.

_Because only the fool can make the royalty smile._

* * *

AN: I just felt like writing. If it was confusing, my apologies. But as dense as Conan/Shinichi is portrayed to be, I don't think he's as oblivious as he acts. Or as Haibara seems to think. I think they choose to avoid the idea, and though sometimes one may gather the courage, the other soundly places them back into the light banter and easy world they've crafted to deal with everything. Just my thought, though. Tell me what you think.

– I added a few sentences in there to help clear up the ending. If it's still confusing, Conan was the one saying the thing about Kamen Yaiba, not Haibara. –


End file.
